Waking Up - 8/23/15

 

Here I lie staring at the wall, it's late morning. My boyfriend walks in and says, "why don't you get out of bed?" I did eventually, but why should I? At 23 years old, I find myself wondering why I am completely content with lying in bed all day and possibly staying there for days. You're probably asking yourself the same question.  Short, but not sweet answer would be depression. I have a car, a decent job, an apartment, a boyfriend.. You would think that these would add up to create some type of happiness. They don't. My boyfriend is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me though. He makes me laugh and keeps me going when it feels like I'm drowning in my thoughts. He is probably the savior of my life. When thoughts of suicide fill my head (because everyone knows they're bound to happen when you're depressed), he reminds me how important I am to him and that I would break him if that happened. I know this blog is about your 20s, but becoming an adult is so difficult. Adults say you'll miss your youth and yada yada, but it's so much more than that. You lose your happy spirit and your naive nature. There are so many things that disappear that we are too wrapped up in paying bills to notice. I miss being so excited on Christmas Eve that I couldn't sleep the night before. I miss being excited that my favorite relative was picking me up after school. I miss Thursdays (they used to be my mom's paydays) and waiting for the bell to ring at the end of the day so we could go get mozzarella sticks from Sonic. Life moves so quickly. It happens before you even realize it's over. Losing your family and loved ones really putss it into perspective. If you haven't lost anyone, consider yourself to be one of the luckiest alive. That being said, I know your 20s are about finding out who you want to be and where you want your life to go. But, for me, I have no idea. I'm almost halfway through my 20s and have no idea where I'm headed. I'm going to school for a second degree with no clue where that will take me. Who knows, but who cares?! As the quote on (everyone's!) Pinterest says, "We weren't born to pay bills and die." WE WEREN'T. If your bill is late, life goes on. I'm not encouraging anyone to pay bills late, haha. But, stop stressing the little things! I'm slowly learning to control my anxiety & depression and I want everyone to know that you don't have to carry that baggage. Let it go! Anyone can change their thoughts. It's all about taking the action and effort to make it happen. Happiness isn't bought or given, it must be found on your own. You can find it through a hug, your boyfriend's kiss and encouraging words, hanging out with friends, laughter you bring to others during the day, your children, or just doing something you love. Stop worrying about your bills, you don't pay them when you're gone. Don't stress about small issues, they don't follow you where you're going. 2 Comments