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Matthew Buroker, My Abuser

 TW: abuse, DV, sexual assault, rape, trauma It has been over half my life since the abuse had began… And, I could never bring myself to speak about it publicly. He isn’t even here anymore, and I live in fear of the outcome of speaking my truth, and shedding light on what I endured from a very young age. I am getting my tattoo covered that includes my abuser’s name. I refuse to live with a constant reminder of the pain he caused, and continues to cause in my every day life. I am very conflicted about my feelings on this matter, as you will learn as my story continues. This might get extremely graphic. My family doesn’t even know all of these details. Where do I even begin? I guess I’ll just start from the very beginning. We were both in the marching band together (I was in color guard, he played the baritone). We basically ended up meeting and talking through a mutual friend though. I didn’t really pay him much attention… He just wasn’t my type, and I knew my friend liked him...
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Shoot for the Moon 10/14/15

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Growing up as a female in our society, it's very difficult to realize your worth, or to even believe you have any to begin with. Let's just say, we all struggle with self-esteem issues and body image problems. If you don't, check and make sure you're human. We all doubt ourselves or think we aren't good enough. I wake up every day hoping it's a good hair day, and that I don't look more like a dude (let's face it, I think I look like a dude with hair). I always do my makeup without really seeing myself because, honestly, I hate what I see. Isn't this a sad way to live? Never really seeing yourself, let alone your true beauty? I'm slowly (BUT SURELY) learning that the only true, biggest fan you can have is YOURSELF. No one can love or know you like you do. Be your own soulmate! Find the other half of your soul instead of ignoring it like it isn't there. We all contain a beautiful force that we choose mostly to leave dormant. With alllllll of th...
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Waking Up - 8/23/15

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  Here I lie staring at the wall, it's late morning. My boyfriend walks in and says, "why don't you get out of bed?" I did eventually, but why should I? At 23 years old, I find myself wondering why I am completely content with lying in bed all day and possibly staying there for days. You're probably asking yourself the same question.  Short, but not sweet answer would be depression. I have a car, a decent job, an apartment, a boyfriend.. You would think that these would add up to create some type of happiness. They don't. My boyfriend is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me though. He makes me laugh and keeps me going when it feels like I'm drowning in my thoughts. He is probably the savior of my life. When thoughts of suicide fill my head (because everyone knows they're bound to happen when you're depressed), he reminds me how important I am to him and that I would break him if that happened. I know this blog is about your 20s, but...
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